Motherfucker

Motherfucker. I find myself muttering this under my breath at random moments. It does not matter if I’m in line at the post office or chowing down on Subway. Motherfucker mutters constantly! Why is this? Well I think that it is every time that the man that decided not to call me after an amazing date, who refuses to write to me when we are online at the same, the man that seemed so perfect but disappeared pops inside my head, motherfucker seems to be the response. It seriously just comes out of my mouth and I have no excuse for this trashy word that I can’t help to use because it defines the…motherfucker perfectly!

I became aware of the endless “motherfucker mutters” as I was leaving a Barnes and Noble. The reason for going to Barnes and Noble? To buy a book my friend from class was reading and recommending called “Why Men Love Bitches” This was a “self-help” book that explains to good girls why the bitchy women get all the good men. I flipped through the pages then took a glance around. There were books and books with ridiculous titles like “Why Hasn’t he Called?” and “How to Make Yourself the Best You to Love” or “The Man Manuel” Why do I need a fucking manual to figure out a guy. Last time I checked, as long as a man gets ass, a good meal and sports center, he’s good to go! It’s not that complex. All these books just make me sick and I’m like, “Hell no, I’m not going to spend $15 on this book that is going to tell me stuff I already know.” There is a whole section in Barnes and fucking Noble dedicated to Self help for women about man issues and I’m not even touching on the books that “help you get to “I do!” Barf.


Getting back to this book, it does explain to women how they need to not chase men and need to act like they don’t care either way if the man calls. Basically, act unavailable. As I do agree that this is good advice, I find it thoroughly annoying that the WOMEN are the ones that have to change the way that they act. Why can’t the men just stop being dumb asses and act normal! Why do we have to spend so much time wondering and contemplating their every move. And that is just what gets me and annoys me about myself. I have found that I spend more time on why this douche bag hasn’t called me than on myself. If I put the energy into my career as I do wondering about the fuck, then I would be a lot further by now. So, every time I mutter motherfucker, which means that I am thinking of him, I take a pen and mark my hand. By the end of the day, the number of marks is the number of minutes I need to spend on myself, whether it be researching or meditating, just something to compensate for this careless time spent on a man. God, today I had eleven marks on my hand! Did I mention that it’s been a month since he’s dropped off the planet? Pathetic.